Bad idea, because he might find out and get cranky about it. But maybe you could just grab a syringe and extract some spinal fluid from his spine so he can’t walk. I suppose then you could tell him you’re seeing someone else. If he can’t walk, he’s less likely to discover it’s all a fib.
I’m thinking, you should also cut off his fingers so he can’t text you about how miserable his life’s become.

Bad idea, because he might find out and get cranky about it. But maybe you could just grab a syringe and extract some spinal fluid from his spine so he can’t walk. I suppose then you could tell him you’re seeing someone else. If he can’t walk, he’s less likely to discover it’s all a fib.

I’m thinking, you should also cut off his fingers so he can’t text you about how miserable his life’s become.