Ever wanted to ask Uncle Joker what he thinks about global warming? Or maybe you're in need of some dating advice? Or maybe you have some nasty cranberry juice stains on your carpet and no idea how to get rid of them? Now's your chance, bub! The Joker is here for you, so lavish me with your mundane problems, doubts, uncertainties and insecurities!

I strongly advise against:

1) Asking me about some Harley Whatsherface.

2) Asking me to impregnate you.

3) Offering to impregnate me.

4) Assuming I'm some other guy. When in doubt, look at the picture above. I'm the guy in the picture. There are even arrows pointing to my face, to help you make the connection.

5) Sending me anonymous come-ons. There's no point in being anonymous. I know it's you, Batman. It's just not gonna work.

6) Asking me about anything relating to my sexuality. Sex makes more people, and it offends me on a professional level, since I strive to make, uh, less people. Duh.

7) Asking me about my favorite song/band/book/colonoscopy method/whatever. Just don't.

8) Complaining about me not answering your question right this second. I'm often busy, you know, killing people or helping my henchmen fill out their tax reports.

9) Not reading the FAQ. Seriously, don't not read the FAQ. Read it.

10) Sending me questions through fan mail when the ask box is closed. I'm not answering those.

If you do any of these things, your question will probably remain unanswered, and you will look ridiculous. Even more than you already do, I mean.

Before you ask me anything, do yourself a solid and click the big red smiley FAQ above this text to check if it hasn't been answered yet.

Closed for now!


Anonymous asked
do you think you're crazy? you denied it in the film.

I just know how to have a good time, jeez. 

Anonymous asked
What's easier to remove: bloodstains or your makeup?

Oh don’t worry about my makeup, hon, it’s not like I’m gonna engage in any activities that might end up with me smearing it on you or any of your belongings. 

Anonymous asked
what is arkham like? what kind of colourful pills do they have you on in there?

Uh, I wasn’t really smitten with Arkham so I kinda checked myself out. I take zinc for my complexion and nails, if you really need to know.

Anonymous asked
Roses are red, violets are dead, I suck at poems, lets kill people instead.

Kinda prefer to work alone, and I just decided I’m gonna make people who suck at poems my Today’s Demographic.

Anonymous asked
hey uncle joker. i need some advice bout this girl i like. she sits across from me in one of my classes and she's absolutely gorgeous and makes the most beautiful sketches. i want to get her attention and maybe go out on a date?? but i don't know what to do. any advice?

Well, if you’re not getting her attention now, you’re obviously not giving her anything to look at. Time for a makeover! But If you’re so ugly even carving up your face wouldn’t help, maybe consider some makeup?

Anonymous asked
I got two socks. A right one and a left one. With one do you want?

That’s like… the deepest question I ever got.

i-dream-in-sound asked
What's your high score on Flappy Bird?

We don’t talk about my high score on Flappy Bird here.

Anonymous asked
Uncle Joker, the other girls are being mean and won't let me play with them :( How many bodies in a shallow grave is TOO many bodies?

Depends, you know, but as long as your grave doesn’t end up with a muffin top you should be fine. 

let-pretty-things-burn asked
Is your name Jack Napier? Or do you reckon that the Dark Knight Joker is some other guy completely?

Now imagine you’re walking up to a guy who you know is called Steven, and you go “Is your name Jack Napier? Or do you reckon that the Dark Knight Steven is some other guy completely?”

It just doesn’t sound like the conversation’s gonna go anywhere, does it.

vitorianola asked
Is there any chance for you and Bane to work together someday?

We do so many things together! He’s my best pal.