Ever wanted to ask Uncle Joker what he thinks about global warming? Or maybe you're in need of some dating advice? Or maybe you have some nasty cranberry juice stains on your carpet and no idea how to get rid of them? Now's your chance, bub! The Joker is here for you, so lavish me with your mundane problems, doubts, uncertainties and insecurities!


I strongly advise against:

1) Asking me about some Harley Whatsherface.

2) Asking me to impregnate you.

3) Offering to impregnate me.

4) Assuming I'm some other guy. When in doubt, look at the picture above. I'm the guy in the picture. There are even arrows pointing to my face, to help you make the connection.

5) Sending me anonymous come-ons. There's no point in being anonymous. I know it's you, Batman. It's just not gonna work.

6) Asking me about anything relating to my sexuality. Sex makes more people, and it offends me on a professional level, since I strive to make, uh, less people. Duh.

7) Asking me about my favorite song/band/book/colonoscopy method/whatever. Just don't.

8) Complaining about me not answering your question right this second. I'm often busy, you know, killing people or helping my henchmen fill out their tax reports.

9) Not reading the FAQ. Seriously, don't not read the FAQ. Read it.

10) Sending me questions through fan mail when the ask box is closed. I'm not answering those.

If you do any of these things, your question will probably remain unanswered, and you will look ridiculous. Even more than you already do, I mean.


Before you ask me anything, do yourself a solid and click the big red smiley FAQ above this text to check if it hasn't been answered yet.


Closed for now!

 

cyanide-sweet-tooth asked
Hey Mr J, As you can tell by the name, I usually kill using Cyanide filled cookies but I dunno lately I've just seem to lose my enthusiasm for murder. Do you ever get bored of killing, if so how do you get over it? :D

Yeah, there are times in everyone’s life when we just need to kick back and reestablish the connection with our center so we can fall in love with our passions all anew. Here’s what I do whenever I hit the murder plateau phase.

Anonymous asked
Have you seen Starkid's Batman musical? If so, what do you think of it?

image

It’s the most accurate depiction of Batman I have ever seen. Kudos to the writers.

dumberer asked
Hello Uncle J, I wanted to ask you if you have ever watched Star Trek, and if so, how you feel about it?

I’m afraid I haven’t seen it, so I guess my feelings about it are as nonexistent as Batman’s diction.

verdonafrost asked
Hello Mr. Joker! Is it true you had a wife? If you did, did you loved her?

Oh, it was fun. Loved the tax breaks. 

Anonymous asked
How do you feel about becoming a Disney princess?

The real question is how the hell am I not a Disney princess yet?

Locking up! This time only a few of you have been naughty, which bodes well for the rest of you. See you on the flippity flip!

Locking up! This time only a few of you have been naughty, which bodes well for the rest of you. See you on the flippity flip!

Whew, we’re finally open! Take you chance while you can.
Don’t see your question answered even though you spent months waiting for the ask box to open so you could ask it? Well, shucks. Maybe you shoulda spent those months reading the FAQ and familiarizing yourself with the sidebar. You make me sick.

Whew, we’re finally open! Take you chance while you can.

Don’t see your question answered even though you spent months waiting for the ask box to open so you could ask it? Well, shucks. Maybe you shoulda spent those months reading the FAQ and familiarizing yourself with the sidebar. You make me sick.

Anonymous asked
Uncle Joker, do you still wear that nurse outfit you stole from the hospital?

image

Stole? Please. Have you seen me wearing it?That thing was practically made for me. I just took what was rightfully mine. 

(I’m wearing it right now)

mebulus89 asked
Dear Joker, what will you do if Batman dies? I know that some bird-boy will take his place, but is not the same, is it?

If Batman dies then I don’t know, I guess I’ll finally have time to try to keep up with the Kardashians.

Anonymous asked
Dear Joker, one guy at my school always stares at me and doesn't speak with me. What do you advise me?

He doesn’t speak to you? From one girl to another, a guy is supposed to be seen, not heard. Tell him he’s doing great.